August Monthly Update!

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Hi Friend! This month, I will discuss a new realisation I discovered after reading one of my new favourite books of 2024.

A White woman reading a book sitting on the grass.

If you’re in the UK (or even outside of the UK), I hope you’re staying safe amidst the unrest.

“You’ve often behaved not how you wanted to, but rather according to the standards you’ve invented.”

This month, I started reading “I Want to Die but I Want to Eat Tteokbokki” and came across the quote “You’ve often behaved not how you wanted to, but rather according to the standards you’ve invented.” This struck me because I’ve always felt obliged to consider other people’s opinions and perspectives as I believed being empathetic should be the full make-up of who I am. While empathy is a good trait, it can also have negative consequences, such as disregarding your own values and thoughts for external validation. For instance, when I’m in a low mood, I often disregard my feelings by saying that “other people have it far worse than me right now.” I had the fear that I would be seen as “selfish” or “ungrateful” if I installed these “negative” thoughts.

This constant cycle only resulted in further pain, where I can no longer sometimes see what are and what are not my thoughts.

Referring to the current events, I didn’t know how to feel. The events happened during the period when I was apartment hunting in Manchester and I couldn’t comprehend what was happening.

Foremost, I was concerned about potentially moving into an area that is experiencing current unrest, but I felt guilty because I wasn’t one of the people who experienced the unrest first-hand, thus “shouldn’t have the chance to form an opinion or thought.” However, it made me reflect on the quote and how we as a society often disregard our feelings to accommodate those around us.

Instead of disregarding these feelings, I began to sympathise more with myself and remind myself that it’s okay to be angry or frustrated, whether it’s regarding my move or the current unrest.

While it’s important to have positive traits such as empathy, it’s also important to reflect on your own values and this begins with understanding your thoughts and opinions. These are moments that will shape the person who you are, not who you think you should be.

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Monthly Autistic Creative Recommendations:

Neurodiverse Connection - They are a neurodivergent-led Community Interest Company that aims to improve support and outcomes for neurodivergent people.
Authentically Emily - Emily (she/her) is an Autistic ADHDer. She is the writer of the book ‘Girl Unmasked: How Uncovering My Autism Saved My Life.’
Charli Clement - Charli (she/they) is an activist, writer and Lived Experience Expert who discusses their experiences as an Autistic, ADHD, dyspraxic and chronically ill person. You can read their latest book "‘All Tangled Up in Autism & Chronic Illness.’