Storm

Lifetime of suppressing the full intensity of my emotions. Now allow myself to feel, and realise how powerful and all-consuming they are.

Feels like being thrown about by a raging sea, drowning, underneath a sky of dark, ominous, swollen clouds - dense and thick, unable to see even a mere glimpse of blue sky, of clarity.

Experience has shown me that the clouds will dissipate, that the blue sky will re-emerge, that the raging waves will reduce to a surface of calm and serenity, but in this moment - amidst the eye of the storm, all feels dark, I feel as if I am drowning in darkness.

Lifetime of suppressing this sheer intensity, instead feeling immense, unbearable stress that I bear silently, not safe to express. Tension and sleepless nights - awake for 40 hours, unknown to those around me, until I erupt in fiery outburst. Then brutally chastise self for feeling this way, for experiencing this, for behaving like an angry child and treating others so terribly.

Torture, torment, unbearable inner pain, all in silence.