The Pain & Joy of Being in ERNST
This newsletter edition is dedicated to a mental health topic that I would like to bring to people’s attention: mental overwhelm due to social media and how it has been affecting me.
Perhaps you realised that I skipped the July newsletter edition. I left it out because I was overworked & overstimulated, in short: mentally overwhelmed. I really needed a break, so I went completely offline for a week.
Don’t get me wrong: being the lead singer of ERNST has been one of my favourite things ever. Releasing an album was high up there on my bucket list and I feel at my very best when I write songs and later get to perform them for an audience.
Also, I’m truly grateful that we can make music in general and have Paulina from Raspberry Soda (Si apre in una nuova finestra) on our side.
But then writing and performing music is maybe 30 per cent of what bands actually do.
We are (with help) also our own bookers, roadies, administrators (funding etc), event planners, bus drivers, tech wizards, social media content creators, video editors, merch artists. And we love it. Mostly.
The crux with social media
For a while, I ignored the fact that “being out there” on social media as the lead singer would take so much out of me. I think that we all underestimate the sickening power of social media — as amazing as it is in principal.
One problem is the constant upward comparison to other artists. Of course, when you’re in a good place, it’s really cool to see what they are up to. At other times — and this is not an easy thing to admit for me — envy plays into it: Why aren’t we playing there? Why do they get so much attention and my posts don’t?
This is the beginning of a lovely downward spiral to: Are we not good enough? Or worse: Have I just posted something completely ridiculous and am I now a laughing stock?
The cycle of making music
There have been plenty of times when my band mates had to remind me that we are not them (and don’t want to be). Also, the cycle of making music means that we as musicians are all at different stages of production (writing, recording, releasing) and live performances.
You need downtime from performing in order to be able to get the creative juices going again. This is what we see on social media as well. When bands don’t post about their gigs, it doesn’t necessarily mean they’re not doing any more music — they are hopefully back to writing new stuff.
In the end, social media channels like Instagram were built in a way that you can tell yourself all of this helpful stuff as much as you like and still find yourself doomscrolling, accompanied by a sinking feeling in your stomach.
Sliding into burnout
I experienced the worst time particularly after our album release. Suddenly, it felt like as a band, we’d practically come to a standstill. Oh, and there was a lot of upward comparing which was not fun at all.
Only later it dawned on me that for months we had been extremely busy getting our album ready and preparing for the release show. I should be using this time to breathe and rest up, right? I had earned it, for f***’s sake!
And of course, I wasn’t only busy with band stuff. I also have a part time job and other private projects going which take up headspace.
With stress release often comes sickness. Just before my vacation started, my body finally had enough and screamed “You ain’t going nowhere”.
Having been close to burnout before — back then it was in the context of work, not private projects — I knew what I had to do.
When I switched off my social media for a week during my vacation, I was slowly able to go back to a clear and good headspace and leave the overwhelm behind.
It felt so good to not be constantly bombarded, to stay with my own thoughts, in the present. Calming down. Enjoying life again.
Raising awareness
I hope my account can help other artists to make sure they take good care of their mental (and physical) health or at least become aware of the issues caused by self promotion.
There are nowhere near enough ways to help suffering artists — especially because therapy is so expensive. Some of us are trying to make ends meet with music alone — I cannot even begin to imagine what pressure that must be!
Anyway, thanks for reading. I would love to hear your thoughts on the topic (you can comment below or reply in an email).
Lots of love, Nicki
What’s next?
Our annual band holiday is coming up — finally, the whole band comes together for songwriting!
We’re going acoustic!
15 August: A street / garden festival in Müselbach, Alberschwende (Vorarlberg), organised by Karin & Markus Gmeiner (who did our wonderful music videos of Don’t Buy It and No, Virginia, no!
20 August: Spotlight Sessions *Light (Si apre in una nuova finestra) at Ruby Hotels Vienna
We cannot wait! Hopefully see you there soon!
