The serious problem with being too serious 🛝

I wouldn’t say I’ve been going through a full-on quarter life crisis these past couple of years, but I’ve definitely struggled a lot with the questions relating to my identity as an adult.

What does true adulthood actually mean? What’s the kind of woman I want to become?

I guess I’ve been fixated on the idea of an adult being a fully functioning member of society. I’ve felt a lot of pressure to be that myself as quickly as possible, but most of that pressure is self-inflicted, of course—being a perfectionist and all. 😅

But no matter how heavy the mantle of adulthood has felt on my shoulders, I’ve had to face many of life's realities head-on. For example, you'd think having a job and an apartment would be straightforward, since most people around us seem to have both. But it turns out neither comes easily. No matter your talents, skills, or resources, having income and a place to live should never be taken for granted.

Then again, designing your life at this point is both thrilling and terrifying. In one moment you love the taste of adventure that comes from having options. You feel grateful to be young and alive, eager to take on more responsibility. Even the prospect of paying bills with your own hard-earned money feels kind of exciting.

But then some days you feel nostalgic. You think about the carefree days of childhood, when bills weren't even a concept. Now you just have to accept bills and such will always be a part of life, like it or not.

Obviously, there are many other reality checks that come with functioning as a responsible adult. But there is a danger associated with absorbing those reality checks. The danger of becoming so serious that you lose touch with the playful side of your personality, which tends to cause other problems sooner or later.

I actually believe that for most of the time, adulthood doesn't require you to be serious at all. You can look at life with just as much wonder as you did when you were a child. Adults are allowed to have just as much fun as kids—and if you look at it from the right angle, life can actually be more fun as an adult, because you have more agency.

My point is this: we should never fully graduate from being a playful child into being a serious adult. To me, adulthood just means knowing when to be serious or playful—not abandoning playfulness altogether. Knowing how to be childlike without being childish.

Besides, it's not even elegant to be excessively serious. Think of Audrey Hepburn, Princess Diana, or Maria Callas—all of them were responsible, successful people who also had a playful side to them. The true elegance they exuded was never anchored to rigidity, but a certain joie de vivre.

Personally, I think I've never really lost touch with my playful side—which I consider an accomplishment. Even as a teenager I never thought it was uncool to enjoy playing at a playground. But I've still gone through stretches where I wasn't as certain about the importance of preserving that quality as I am now.

I've now come to see it as a real skill to stay connected to your playful side throughout your life. The good news is, if this is a skill, it can also be developed, even if you feel you've lost it somewhere along the way.

Here's a recent example of how I'm holding on to mine:

There I was, on a Monday evening, on an empty children's playground, about to slide down a freakishly small slide. And the best part is that I genuinely enjoyed it, and wouldn't have minded if someone I knew had walked by.

I wouldn't have gone on the playground had it been full of children, though, but since it was empty I had the whole thing to myself. I swung on the swings, jumped on the seesaw a few times, and then sat down on the bench for a brainstorming session with AI. 🙊

After about twenty minutes on the playground, I went home feeling revived and energized. Most importantly, it made me realize there’s no reason I should ever lose this side of me.

So here are my questions for you:

In which parts of your life do you let your playful, creative side be free? How could you bring more of that into your day-to-day? How could you make the boring tasks feel a little more fun?

Enjoying empty playgrounds isn’t the only way to go, though—you can also listen to music that makes you want to dance, sing, play an instrument, video games, cards, board games, do sports with your friends—whatever works.

And the key, of course, is in how you do it. You can play Uno like a serious adult, or you can actually play it.

If in doubt, there's no better teacher for this than a child. Do something fun with a kid you’re close to and try to actually enjoy it too. It can prove to be surprisingly challenging, because it requires throwing yourself into the moment, using your imagination, going all in. Which, as it turns out, makes it way more fun.

Have an elegant weekend!

Bisous,

Elle