Failure is always an option: On the perks of growing more mature

A couple of months ago, I discovered that I needed new author portraits. I’ve had multiple photographers take pictures of me in the past, and although I’ve always had to get used to the outcome (body dysmorphia, perhaps), I’ve always ended up liking the results in the end.

This is the case now, as well: I received the first batch of photos, had to get used to how I look, and now I quite like them.

I especially like that I look more mature now.

At the beginning of the year, I set out to do the Anti-Brain-Rot-Challenge initiated by bookish YouTuber ThisStoryAintOver – I even made a video about it here (Abre numa nova janela). Of course, I never expected to make it through an entire year (goals of self-improvement steeped in neoliberal traditions have never worked well for me). Instead, I expected to fail fairly quickly, because the year was filled to the brim with different projects. And fail quickly I did.

But surprisingly, what also happened was that in some respects, I didn’t fail. For example, I am still more or less regularly doing Pilates (and other exercises) at home. And while I didn’t learn Blender or research the topics I had set out to research, I improved my programming skills and ended up doing research on a range of other topics.

I think this has to do with the way I’ve changed approaching New Year’s challenges on the one hand, and To-Do-Lists on the other. So, for example, when I started a new notebook for this particular challenge, I wrote down:

Failure is always an option.

I didn’t mean this as something negative.

We learn more from our failures than we do from our successes. It’s a tired cliché, I know, but it’s also true. And I’ve failed so often in life that when the beginning of 2026 rolled around, I knew that I wanted failure to be part of the challenge from the onset. What I didn’t know was that it would lead to as much success (if you want to call it that) as it did.

Recently, I’ve been listening to Meditations for Mortals: Four Weeks to Embrace Your Limitations and Make Time for What Counts by Oliver Burkeman, and I realised that a lot of the conclusions Burkeman draws in the book are things that I’ve unwittingly and unconsciously integrated into my own life (albeit from a perhaps more socially engaged perspective -- Burkeman does suggest not making other people’s problems your own or engaging too much with world politics, after all, and I think both is important).

A couple of examples:

1. As a freelancer, I limit the time I spend on dedicated work (on projects) each day to around 3-4 hours (and spend the rest of the working day with administrative work).

2. I’ve realised that my people-pleasing tendencies were not only detrimental to myself, but also to other people (there’s been a disconnect between the person I want to be and the person I am – I have high expectations of others in working environments, and I also expect a lot of myself, and I’ve realised that being kind and generous has more to do with setting boundaries for what I can and cannot do and to have other people respect their own boundaries and take care of themselves instead of pretending I don’t want things to get done a certain way within a certain time frame).

3. It’s more important to focus on what I want to do than what I think other people want me to do.

4. Haters are gonna hate, so I might as well do (in my case: write) what I love. Being in the public eye even in the slightest (especially as a non-white femme) means that I’ll have detractors.

5. Things will never be perfect, but they can be as good as they can be at the point they need to get done – I used to fret over the fact that I’d start with projects so late, and that they could have turned out better if only I had started earlier. But I’ve since realised that I started everything as soon as I could (or my brain would allow me to), and that’s completely fine. The important thing is for things to get done.

6. I now say “no” immediately if I can’t realistically do something – it’s kinder to do and less stressful for everyone involved.

There are still things I struggle with. For example, I’m still not great at promoting my own work or making sure I get compensated fairly, but I’m getting there.

And I still love giving things away for free, which I don’t think is a bad thing – in my view, it’s important to engage with people as part of a community without expecting anything in return. But I have started connecting free offers with paid offers, so that everyone is able to participate and people can pay for add-ons if they want to and are able to do so.

Overall, expecting to fail has helped me get closer to the life I want to live (with others).

I like that I look more mature now.

And I like that I feel more mature even more.

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