Exhaustion, overwhelm.
This heaviness... This weight inside my head, behind my eyes.
Wanting to withdraw from the world, like an animal in agony quietly waiting to die. Needing silence and stillness, yet trapped with incessant noise.
If forced to engage, I will seem morose, quiet, melancholic - a fiery outburst lurking should I be pressed further.
Suffering behind a wall of silence... Alternately, putting on a 'show', until I'm pale and bleary-eyed and my thoughts are wading through treacle, until I cannot grasp the simplest of ideas. To be followed by the familiar onslaught of inner punishment - 'you are so stupid', 'what is wrong with you', 'why are you feeling like this - no one else is', 'you are so strange, different... an outsider', 'who could ever love you like this.'
